GRAAAHHH!!!

the sludge is back, of course. that thick, black, gooey, sticky sludge that trickles through my body, squeezing its way through every foramina and coating my organs until they slowly yet slowly rot and decay. dripping and peeling and splitting and melting and mummifying and then melting all over again. it's itchy, almost. a deep, deep, unscratchable itch that nothing but a good blunt can reach in and scratch. maybe the smoke goes in and flushes it all out, like how beekeepers smoke hives to quell the aggression of their little bees. sure, yeah, it's something like that, sure, I think.

I feel very trapped. I'm stuck in one of those indiana jones temple traps where the walls are rapidly closing in, just moments away from brutally crushing you; except the walls never close. at least being crushed is some form of release, because once it's over, it's over; but I'm instead stuck in a permanent state of anticipation. that anxious itch, that tense brace, waiting for an impact that isn't coming; not like I'm one to look much for conclusions anyway, but I am, however, one to despise any feelings of stagnation, which is exactly where I am right now. stuck. Im stuck!! STUCK!!!!!!! text does not give me the proper faculties to express myself!!! STUCK!!!!! imagine the letters are really big and shaking around.

also, can we talk about how fucking abysmal the internet is right now? holy jesus you can't do anything without it opening up like 30 windows or pop-ups or something. not to mention how dastardly EVIL social media is. just everything about waking up and experiencing life as it is right now is a miserable experience. and I hate being miserable. I HATE IT!!!!! I love to complain, but complaints are temporary! misery LASTS! it attaches to you like a parasite and sucks you dry of everything you got until you're a shriveled up little skeleton of whoever you were before your infection. at the very least, I feel like people are starting to wake up to how ridiculously evil, insane, and absurd life is right now. we, as humans, as people, as a society, have become so far removed to who we truly are in our hearts and in our heads, we are all rotting away from the inside out. the world is rotting, these systems are rotting, it's all rotting and nobody knows how to maintain the upkeep necessary to salvage it. as ted kaczynski predicted, of course - the downfall of modern civilization will come! we are in the late stages of this system set up with no genuine foresight, and we suffer the consequences. we are in the infantile stages of a great, great shift! mark my words! everyone, everyone, young or old, is yearning for, begging, and searching for any sense of connection. and it is quite hilarious how the internet, the thing meant to connect everyone all around the world, only ended up driving everyone further apart, huh? funny!! VERY FUNNY!!!!!!!!!! but people are realizing. I hope they realize faster. a revolution cannot happen with the snap of a finger or the firing of a gun or the lighting of a flame. it is a communal effort, and we are watching people search and yearn for a regression in real time. after all, to err is to human, and perfection is a disgusting, unnatural thing.

sometimes I wonder if I were better off being the member of a nomadic tribe in 500 BCE. and I think the answer is yes. severely shortened lifespan be damned.